Lost In You
by ktg812
Summary: songfic to Sugarcult's "Lost In You"--h/hr angsty-fluff... there is a happy ending


I don't own anything besides the plot/exact wording. The characters are  
copyrighted by JKR and the song is copyrighted by Sugarcult. It's "Lost in  
You". Uh. I think that's enough of a disclaimer. Oh, and don't sue me.  
(a.k.a. J.K. Rowling has the coolest toys on the playground. I'm just  
borrowing them and I promise to shine 'em up and put 'em away when I'm  
done)  
(thank you bloo-bubbles for your kind words, and I'm sorry they were lost  
when I re-uploaded the stories but the spacing was screwed and to fix it I  
had to re-upload and so on and so forth. Anyway. now the spacing is fixed.  
Enjoy!)  
  
-------------------  
  
".Six days went by  
Trying to forget her face  
It was you and I  
We were to young for these games  
And all the pictures that I kept  
And all the things I should have said  
It was you and I-  
But mostly me."  
-------------------  
  
He knew the second she'd whispered 'I love you' he'd never get better.  
Hermione definitely was as good as it got. And the second he lost her, he  
had his first broken heart. Every hurt before that just felt like a dent.  
But when Hermione and him split it ripped his heart in half. And the worst  
part was that he still loved her. Everything about her. Her angelic face,  
her intelligence, her care, her touch, her voice. everything about her. And  
he missed her. So much that he'd sit and try to think of a way to win her  
back. But once you take back an 'I love you' or counter-act it with an 'I  
hate you' there is no turning back. Regardless of why you said it.  
  
-------------------  
  
".Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again."  
-------------------  
  
He ran into her at Ron's birthday party, it had been a while since they'd  
seen each other. She was still bitter. He was still hurting horribly. He  
even loved the way she glared at him, and the way she flaunted her new  
boyfriend. And when she called him a horrible friend and a liar, he still  
couldn't get over the light cinnamon flecks in her eyes. And just when it  
was time to sing happy birthday, he was still in awe of her perfect mouth  
and the way it formed every perfect syllable of every word. And he knew  
that if he said what he really felt, it would only complicate the situation  
further. So he kept in the 'you're perfect' and the 'god, you're beautiful'  
and swallowed them whole. He couldn't hurt her anymore than he already had.  
He had blown his chance.  
-------------------  
  
".Six weeks went by  
Still pretending that I'm fine  
It was you and I  
Holding back what's on our minds  
And all the things I should have said  
And all the letters left un-sent  
It was you and I-  
But mostly me."  
-------------------  
  
Everyday he woke up to pictures of her. Every dream he had was of their  
time together and every nightmare was losing her all over again. And he  
spelt out his reasons for leaving on paper many times before. but every  
time he got to the part where he knew what she'd do, he threw the paper  
away. 'I told you I didn't love you because I knew you'd try to save me.  
Sacrifice yourself like my mother did, and I couldn't bear it. So I wanted  
you mad at me. You needed to want me dead for you to be safe' always  
sounded like a lame excuse. Even if it was true.  
  
-------------------  
  
".Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again."  
-------------------  
  
All the magazines that littered his room were so old. Witch Weekly's  
mostly. Every issue since Hermione and him broke up. Every issue except the  
issue from that very day. He'd thrown that out. It hurt too much to see his  
smiling picture on the cover and look in the mirror to a frown. Every  
single day he went to work and drowned himself in ministry of magic  
rubbish. Work kept him in check. If he didn't have his job, he was quite  
sure he'd have killed himself by now. And right after work he'd go to the  
same pub. Marauder's Place, on the corner of Toadstool Lane and Tea-Leaf  
Road. He'd drown himself in 2 scotches and sodas and put his head on the  
table, and try to lose his thoughts of Hermione in the crowd.  
  
-------------------  
  
".Six months went by  
I almost forgot your face  
till they played that song tonight  
the one we used to hate."  
-------------------  
  
It never really worked, but he tried anyway. Every night. And at exactly  
9:30, a no-name band, or struggling singer would take the stage and try  
their luck at winning the rowdy crowd over. He'd listen a few minutes and  
try to keep his attention on the music, but his mind always drifted towards  
Hermione's love of music. And how she hated Billy Idol. It always amazed  
Harry that even though there were tons of songs and artists in the world,  
at least three times a week, a group would sing "Dancing with Myself". And  
whenever it did, he'd laugh as hard as he could, and try to leave without  
causing a scene.  
  
-------------------  
  
".Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again."  
-------------------  
  
He knew very well that he loved her. He also knew unless someone told her  
why he did what he did, she'd never give him another chance. But he  
couldn't bring himself to let her know. If he had to live the rest of his  
life knowing that he saved the world but lost the love of his life, so be  
it. He knew she wouldn't give him the time of day. But one night he came  
home from the pub a bit early, and when he found that one missing Witch  
Weekly issue sitting on his counter, he knew Hermione had been there.  
  
-------------------  
  
".Lost in you (I'm lost in you)  
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you (I'm lost in you)."  
-------------------  
  
"Why didn't you send me any of this?" she said, slamming his crumpled up  
explanations on the table.  
"Don't you know how much I loved you? How much one word of the truth would  
mean to me?"  
"Don't you know how much I love you? How much I don't want to hurt you  
again?" he fired back. "Every time I see you at a party, I'm not  
concentrating on your words, only on the way your eyes flicker. Every time  
I try to sleep I'm haunted by images of myself lying to you. Every time I  
hear a Billy Idol song, I think of you. Do you know how often a Billy Idol  
song gets played in London nowadays?" He asked.  
She cracked a smile, and giggled a bit.  
"I still love you too," she whispered, as she pulled him into a long-  
awaited reuniting kiss.  
-------------------  
  
".And I can't find myself again  
Again  
Again."  
------------------- 


End file.
